you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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