Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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