between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
