Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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