Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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