Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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