Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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