I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
