I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You made out with two different species that night
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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