It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
