if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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