Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
