He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
