Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
