How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
