mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Houston, we have a blender
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
this hospital has no fireball
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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