We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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