covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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