If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
