You smell like stripper and shame
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
