party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
