I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
