just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
