Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
