Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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