Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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