fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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