We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
