her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
