Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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