my phone needs a breathalizer
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
