The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
