my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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