it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
