do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
