hotel room ftw
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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