Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
