You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So squirting runs in the family.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
