whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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