At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
