why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My feet surprised me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
