I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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