So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
