I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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