I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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