I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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