i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
