I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Bring me that man meat
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
