i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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