You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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