I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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